Because I said so

“It’s not that you can’t do it, you were just told you can’t do it”

I hate that the person who told me I couldn’t do it was me. I’m the one that let fear tell me I can’t do something and ended up sitting on the couch afraid. It’s hard for me to admit that, most people see me as fearless, no hesitation, never second guessing myself and never, ever, letting what other people think stop me.

That’s true to some extent. I don’t care what other people think and it never does stop me from doing what I want. I do, however, let myself talk me out of it. I let my fear speak for me and that’s a hard, hard thing to admit to yourself. Have you ever had to do that? Admit the thing  you don’t want anyone to know?

This week I’ve done two things that my fear has told me I can’t do. I have enrolled to be a Beaver Scout Leader for Jack’s troop and I have agreed to be a parent chaperone on a school field trip. It didn’t occur to me that the only reason that my fear has told me I can’t is because it’s letting the fat make the decisions. How fucking sad is that?? These stupid fat cells are telling me what I can and can’t do and keeping me from being the parent I want to be. Not only that, the reason I haven’t gone fully into weight training again is fear, fear that I can’t do the things I used to. Well no shit I cant, I can’t pick up where I left off two years ago, I have to build up to that and I have been terrified to even try.

well Fuck you, I am doing them because I said so.

Me. I said so. I said I can do these things and I’m going to do them.
This year is going to be all about

“Because I said so”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s