The mental game . . . not such a game

I finally took some time off from work and I had so many plans for what i was going to do with those 2 weeks. I was going to do so much meal prep, catch up on some reading, do some studying, make a work out schedule for myself, get back into the gym, clear the house of clutter etc etc etc.

None of that happened. Absolutely none of it. I was in complete denial about how stressed I had let myself get. A year with out a proper vacation and I had myself in so many knots I could barely think straight.

10 days I spent doing little more than sleep and watch bad TV.  That’s all I could muster myself to do. I didn’t have the energy or the desire to do anything, literally anything.

It took that long until I actually felt better, until I woke up in the morning and didn’t have to give myself a pep talk to get out of bed. It’s insane.

So, for the rest of the time off, the whole 5 days, I didn’t do anything else on my list. And I didn’t because I needed to give time to ME, to do what I wanted, what I felt like, what I needed.

I did not realise how utterly important it is to take care of yourself. No wonder my physical health was terrible, my mental health was non existent practically.  There is no way to be healthy without getting your mind right first. Its not a game of course, its how you’ll end up living your life, what kind of life that will be.

These 2 weeks may have been more than what i needed, more than what I knew i needed anyway. Starting from the head and moving down.  It’s made a difference in my eating and I’ve even been getting back into working out in the mornings. I’ve accepted that I can’t just pick up where I left off, and that’s ok. I’m not continuing on like I took a 2 week hiatus. I have to learn what my body can do now before I know how far I can safely push it.

It’s forgiveness that has been the big thing I’ve learned. Forgiving myself. Im not a failure because I gained the weight back, I’m not a bad mom if I take the time to myself to work out. Im not ruining my eating plan if I eat a handful of potato chips or have a piece of birthday cake . . . . I’m only going to be a failure if I quit and let that little voice telling me I can’t do it determine if I try or not.

2 weeks . . . . what an enlightening 2 weeks it’s been by doing nothing at all that I had planned to do.

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